Some people in marketing departments just have no earthy rhyme or reason that can validate their existence. I "found" this over at Director Blue, Doug Ross: Best. Complaint letter. Ever.
This is an actual letter from an Austin woman sent to an American company regarding their feminine products. She really gets rolling after the first paragraph. It's PC Magazine's 2007 editors' choice for best web mail-award-winning letter. [Ed: eh, what?]
That was his opener. Here is the letter.
Dear Mr. Thatcher,
I have been a loyal user of your [Brand] maxi pads for over 20 years and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the Leak Guard Core or Dry-Weave absorbency, I'd probably never go horseback riding or salsa dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of running up and down the beach in tight, white shorts. But my favorite feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can't tell you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there's a little F-16 in my pants.